I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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