We won't sleep together?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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