Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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