I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
