There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
