It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
