Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
