Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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