I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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