My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
