dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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