FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
