I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
