it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
