I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
