Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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