Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
