It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
