i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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