nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
