Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize