Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
