After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize