Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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