Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
