do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
40s are totally the cure
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
