I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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