Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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