a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
