you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
