apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
