guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
