i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
