I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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