When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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