i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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