i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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