i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize