dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
