your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
