i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
