The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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