You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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