you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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