Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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