Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
