i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
