bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I understand Curling. That high.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize