Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
