You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
