I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
