i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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