She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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