Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
