I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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