and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
