I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
