i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
