totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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