It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
