I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
