Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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