I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
