Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
