Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
