i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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