Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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