You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
