im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
