at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
