Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
