Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
