So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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