Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
