Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
