you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
