I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
