i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
