Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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