Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
