What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
