I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
