Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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