I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
