I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
