Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
4 words: hood of his car
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
