I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
