just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
