All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish you could order shots online.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
