it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
