You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
