Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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