i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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