I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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