Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
