Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
