i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
