i need an iv and a liver transplant
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
