nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
