Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
