I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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