drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
