My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
